One of my legs had been dead for a long time (it is just beginning to revive), paralysed. One leg. So naturally, all became difficult.… But what was remarkable, I can tell you immediately, is that the consciousness established there [gesture above the head] became more and more strong, more and more clear; and it was constant. I worked, I continued to work, not only for India but for the world and in constant relation (“consulted”, you understand), actively.
About transformation, well, I do not know.… What I have explained about “replacement of consciousness” is being done methodically, methodically, continually, continually, but then with… apparent damages or in any case, for a time, a great diminution of capacities. But it is a curious phenomenon with the sight and hearing: from time to time it is clear, as clear as it can be, and from time to time it is completely veiled. And that has very very clearly another origin—another origin of influence. It will take months, I believe, before I am able to see clearly. In any case, the general consciousness [same gesture above the head], what may be called the universal consciousness (in any case the terrestrial consciousness), has not moved for a minute—not for a minute. It remained there all the while.
You have seen this note?fnThe preceding note of 11 January 1971.
What did you think of it?
It is a new functioning. It is interesting.
Yes, altogether—altogether. It is very strange.… Actually, all this time has been utilised for developing the consciousness of the physical being. And this physical being [Mother touches her body] seems really to have been prepared for another consciousness, because there are things… its reactions are altogether different, its attitude is different. I have passed through a period of total indifference when the world represented nothing, meant nothing. And then, gradually, from there emerged a new perception, as it were. It is only on the way.
But it was not an innocent paralysis! For at least three weeks—at least—for three weeks, a constant pain, night and day, twenty-four hours out of twenty-four, without fluctuation, none: it was as though I was being torn asunder.… So there was no question of seeing anybody. Now it is finished. The pain is quite bearable and the body has resumed a little of its normal life.
But I wanted to tell you that my consciousness was all the time active with you. Did you feel it?
Ah! That’s it then.
It is good.
Yes, yes. I too took it in that way. It was not only the leg, but the lower part of the leg [Mother touches her feet].… But I 247noticed how things, the so-called catastrophes or calamities or misfortunes or difficulties, how all that comes just in the nick of time to help you—just as it is needed to help you.… Indeed, all that which in the physical nature belonged still to the old world, to its habits, its ways of doing and being, its ways of acting, all that could not be “handled” in any other way than this: through illness.
I cannot say that it has not been interesting.
But I, on my side, kept contact with everyone even physically—I do not know if they remained conscious or not, but I kept contact with everybody. It depends on the receptivity of people. I did not feel at all that there was any rupture of relations or anything of the kind—not at all, not at all. Even at the time when, externally, I was suffering in that way and people thought I was wholly concerned with my suffering, it did not occupy me. I do not know how to explain… I was seeing quite well that this poor body was not very bright, but that did not occupy me. All the while there was the feeling of this… this Truth which has to be understood and manifested.
And there was this note (how to say it?), it was the outcome of something and the beginning of something also, and in a very precise way. I do not know if it is understandable.
It seemed to you understandable?
Yes, but this note is already a thing of the past, because I have begun again to see, but in another way. I have begun again to see and hear.248
Yes, yes. Oh! That is very clear, very clear. What I need to hear, I hear, even if it is the slightest sound; but all the noises of conversation, all the things that make so much noise, I do not hear at all!… Something has changed. But it is old—it is old, that is to say, old habits are there. But happily, I was not a person of habits.… Yes [Mother smiles], you can say: it is something tough that is in the process of changing! So it is not supple, it is not easy. But the change is there, the change is evident. I have changed very much, even as regards character, as regards understanding, as regards the vision of things—much, very much.… There has been wholly a regrouping.
Only, I did not know how to make use of this note in an understandable way.
It is all right. It is simply not to let people down in that way: all at once, nothing more. Afterwards, one is so far away that people do not understand at all.
Yes, yes; exactly so.249
The world is in a frightful condition.
Yes, yes, yes, just so. Yes.
Yes, yes, quite near at hand.
There was a whole period when I was absolutely inaccessible because I was suffering continuously—one is worthless then. It was continuous, continuous. One might say that it was but a cry all the while. It lasted a long time, lasted several weeks. I did not count. Then gradually, it alternated with moments of calmness when I had no feeling of my leg. And it is only for the last two or three days that it looks as if it is being put back in order.… Yes, it was such… it was the whole problem of the world—a world that is nothing but pain and suffering, and a big note of interrogation: why?
I tried all the palliatives that one uses: to change the pain into pleasure, to remove the capacity of feeling, to occupy oneself with some other thing.… I tried all the “tricks”—not a single one succeeded! There is something in the physical world as it is which is not… (how to explain?) which is not yet open to the divine Vibration. And it is this something which does all, all, all the evil.… The Divine Consciousness is not felt. And then, any number of imaginary things (but very real to the sensation) exist, and that thing, the only true thing is not felt.… But now it is better. It is better.
It is truly interesting. I believe something may have been done on the general score—it was not merely the difficulty of 250one body or one person: I believe something has been done to prepare Matter to receive as it must, in a suitable way—it was as though it received in a wrong way and it has learnt to receive in the right way.
It will come. Perhaps, I do not know if it will take months or years for the thing to become clear.
Then, before taking leave, the disciple reads out a note written by Mother.
I do not remember what it is.
“We want to be messengers of
Light and Truth.
A future of harmony offers
itself to be proclaimed to the world.”
Yes, it is all right! It gives courage to people.
Yes, you are right. You are right. As for me, one must be absolutely blind not to see it. It has reached that point.