To talk of surrender is easy, very easy indeed. To think of surrender in all its complexity is not so easy, it is not so easy at all. But to achieve even the beginning of a genuine surrender of self—oh, how difficult it is, Mother!
There are many things wrong with me, I know. But there must be something fundamentally wrong. What is it, Mother?
Nothing special to you. It is the same difficulty that exists for all human beings: the pride and blindness of the physical mind.
8 July 1935
*
Many things have been said on the subject but, as far as my own experience goes, I do not attach much importance to that belief.
24 March 1936
*
202A prayer:
“O Lord, awaken my entire being that it may be for Thee the needed instrument, the perfect servant.”
27 March 1936
*
Yes, he spoke to me about it. But you must know that yoga frees us from subjection to the horoscope; the horoscope expresses the position one has in relation with the material world, but by the sadhana we get free from the slavery to that world.
14 September 1936
*
Yes, I like to receive the book from you. It helps to keep the contact materially.
5 December 1936
*
From your mother you can always take, it is quite natural, especially when things are given to you full-heartedly—and am I not your mother who loves you?…
3 January 1937
*
203Will you say to your cousin that I know only one way out of all troubles and difficulties; it is entire self-giving and consecration to the Divine.
13 November 1937
*
No, I always mean what I say.
Love and blessings to my dear child.
4 May 1938
*
Eternal Mother,
I have sunk very low in my consciousness and you seem farther away than ever. You are the Infinite Mother of all your creation and many are your children. But your Grace is our sole refuge and to whom shall we turn but to you for our protection? But may your Grace now intervene in a more overt form so that my earthly eyes can see and understand somewhat of its working in spite of the dull and heavy veil which lies thick upon them. And may your Grace open up fully the lotus of my heart so that I may be blessed with a vision of your soul-captivating Presence in the full glory of its enrapturing beauty and goodness and sweetness, so that all my impurities be washed out, and restlessness of the mind and stormy uprisings of passions laid at rest.
I commend my soul to your keeping.
Yet I feel you much closer to me and I see in you an opening that was never there before. It seems to me that soon you will 204discover, behind the apparent dryness of the surface, the always burning flame of a conscious Love.
Blessings.
4 July 1938
*
I know that it is only the weak who complain. The strong never do because they can’t be hurt. So I never attach much importance to complaints.
Love and blessings to my dear child.
9 October 1938
*
Nothing to excuse, all is in the spirit of the offering.…
Love and blessings to my dear child.
14 October 1938
*
Yes, these are two names for the same thing.
Love and blessings to my dear child.
20 October 1938
*
205The way is opened, my dear child, and I am waiting for you with my arms wide to receive and enfold you affectionately—with my love and blessings.
22 October 1938
*
Let me carry you in my arms and the climbing will become easy. Love and blessings to my dear child.
25 October 1938
*
My very dear child, live in my love, feel it, be filled with it and be happy—nothing can please me more than that.
Most affectionately.
28 October 1938
*
206Yes, you are my child and it is true that of all things it is the most important.… Dear child, I am always with you and my love and blessings never leave you.
31 October 1938
*
Faith in the Divine’s Grace and its power to transform you.
Love and blessings to my dear child.
4 November 1938
*
Dear, dear, dear Mother,
Every day you are growing more and more lovable and more and more adorable to me. By what divine Mystery do you cast this sweet spell on us?
The only mystery, the only spell is my love—my love which is spread over my children and calls down upon them the Divine’s Grace to help and to protect.
6 November 1938
*
Nothing can resist the steady action of love. It melts all resistances and triumphs over all difficulties…
Love and blessings to my dear child.
9 November 1938
*
It is not as a Guru that I love and bless, it is as the Mother who asks nothing in return for what she gives.
9 July 1939
*
Mataji,
It was very sweet of you to tell me that yours was the love of the Mother who does not ask for anything in return. That is all right for you, for yours is a self-fulfilled life. But I have yet to achieve everything, yet to satisfy my human existence. I have yet to know my soul and my Self, to know and love the Divine Godhead and fulfil Her in my life and to know the worlds, if it is Her Will that I should do so. But above all, I must have the Darshan of the World-Mother, Adya Shakti Mahakali. She will know what is best for me. Then how can I do without a Guru who will lead me to Her Feet?
I do not see anybody in the world more qualified than Sri Aurobindo to lead you to the feet of the Mahashakti.
With my love and blessings.
16 July 1939
*
208My dear child,
Your good and kind letter has made me happy.
Last night, in silence, I told you, “To arrive at that to which you aspire, the way is Love and the goal too is Love”—is it not the best answer to your letter?…
With my love and blessings.
17 July 1939
*
But what a joy and love it is when both mother and son are good!
My love and blessings to my dear (good) child.
27 July 1939
*
My child’s heart is filled with love and light from the Divine; let them shine throughout your whole being and the clouds, if any, will soon disappear.
Love and blessings to my dear child.
28 July 1939
*
There is a great joy in giving; there is a still greater joy in pleasing those we love… and when you will eat the pickles you may remember me and think, Mother loves me…
Love and blessings to my dear child.
6 August 1939
*
Dear, dear, dear Mother,
I send you heaps and heaps of love. In the lotus of my heart may I have your lotus feet permanently installed on a throne of love.
My dear loving child,
Your heart is quite a sweet place because of your love—let me remain always there so that I may fill your whole being with light and love and joy.
My love and blessings.
8 August 1939
*
O Devi, O Mother!
In the secret recesses of my heart’s chamber I have always been aware of an instinctive belief that you are an Avatar of the Divine Mother whom I adore, but whom I know not except by Her lotus-feet. That is the reason why my eyes seek Her in your lotus-feet, and my heart yearns to press them to itself knowing them as its sole refuge.
My dear, dear child, let the Light of a conscious certitude and the joy of an everlasting Presence be always with you—concretely—in the sweetness of love divine.
10 August 1939
*
210My dear child,
Well—the best thing you could do is not to listen to what people say; it would save you from many falls of consciousness. This afternoon when I looked at you in silence I told you, “Be faithful to your love.” I suppose this is a sufficient answer and you do not expect me to justify my love in front of the foolish ignorance of such interpretations. Whether you believe or doubt, my love and blessings are with you.
12 August 1939
*
Dear Mother,
I apologise humbly for my query yesterday and pray to be forgiven for my stupidity.
O! How could I question your love, you who are the soul of truth and love and goodness?
My dear child,
I knew that it was a passing mood and that you would soon come out of it—but let this love and this truth be your shield and protect you against the intrusion of any force of falsehood.
My love and blessings will lead you to the goal.
13 August 1939
*
My very dear child,
If only you could keep always your inner happiness, it would please me immensely and help you very much on the way.
211My love and blessings to you, dear child.
17 August 1939
*
My very dear child,
Whatever is the nature of the offering, when it is made with sincerity it always contains a spark of divine light which can grow into a full sun and illuminate the whole being. You can be sure of my love, you can be sure of my help, and our blessings are always with you.
19 August 1939
*
Love, love, love to my very dear child; all the joy, all the light, all the peace of the divine love and also my loving blessings.
20 August 1939
*
Dearest Mama,
I have returned the pot of pickles but I still have the pickles, and whenever I see them I remember you and say to myself, “The Mother loves me.” On the crest of a great wave of love the gift came to me and I felt the presence of the ocean which projected that wave. With that pot in hand when you called me, do you know of whom I was thinking? I was thinking of Kali standing before me ready to give a boon! In fact, I was 212invoking Her and there you were with the pot of pickles and an ocean of Love! Such is your play, dear playful Mother!
Indeed, that day I had heard you distinctly calling me and I wanted to answer very concretely to your call… My love and blessings to my very dear child.
24 August 1939
*
There is no contradiction that cannot be solved and harmonised in a synthesis if you rise high enough in the intuitive mind and yours is not at all irreducible. I am sure that one day you will find this out.
My love and blessings.
27 August 1939
*
Life of my life! My own sweetest Mama!
Accept my love and forgive me my lapses—as you have been doing for so many years. I expect these moods will come and go. But may I never lose sight of your luminous smiling face through all these passing clouds!
My very dear child,
I truly hope you will soon be out of all your troubles. Just one good jump to the higher consciousness where all problems 213are solved and you will get rid of your difficulties. I never feel that I am forgiving. Love does not forgive, it understands and cures.
My love and blessings always.
28 August 1939
*
Let divine love be your goal.
Let pure love be your way.
Be always true to your love and all difficulties will be conquered.
Love and blessings to my dear child.
9 September 1939
*
My dear loving Mother,
In my birthday book Sri Aurobindo has written, “Rise into the higher Consciousness, let its light control and transform the nature.” Some time back you wrote to me, “One good jump to the higher consciousness where all problems are solved and you will get rid of your difficulties.” Now what exactly is this higher consciousness and how may I rise or jump into it? And again you have said, “Let divine love be your goal. Let pure love be your way. Be always true to your love and all difficulties will be conquered.” Is this higher consciousness the same thing as a state of pure love and, if so, how would it be related to a state of higher knowledge?
The higher Consciousness is a state of pure love but it is also a state of pure openness to divine knowledge. There is no opposition there between these two kindred things; it is the mind that makes them separate.
The best way to get to it is to refuse all mental agitation when it comes, also all vital desires and turmoils, and to keep the mind 214and heart turned as constantly as possible towards the Divine. The love for the Divine is the strongest force for doing this.
My love and blessings.
19 October 1939
*
Beloved!
Why did the Mother choose this frail vessel for Her abode? I know that so long as She chooses to make her abode here, sooner or later poor me will have to abdicate in favour of Her Imperial Majesty and till that day comes there will be no rest for poor me.
My dear child,
So, the best thing to do is to abdicate at once and to get rest, peace and joy. When you have to get rid of an obstinate resistance, you must not make more delay than when you have to pull out a bad tooth.
Inside, outside and everywhere is the help of the Mother… with her love and blessings.
28 October 1939
*
Dear Mother,
Your love for poor me is still my lodestar and I am grateful.
My dear child,
My love wants to lead you to the goal and it is bound to succeed.
With my blessings.
29 March 1940
*
215Dear Mother,
I thank you very much for all your kindness and compassion and solicitude and love which I do not deserve. And yet, although I feel a personal tie with you which I expect is psychic, I still do not feel that I want this Yoga very badly. I still do not feel about this ideal the way I used to feel for the old ideal of liberation. The path, the ideal you represent, your values still leave me very cold. I still do not feel at home here. I do not know what I should do. And time waits for no one. Please excuse me, but I feel tired of having to wage a constant war against my whole outer being. And, anyway, it seems too late now to begin at the beginning and teach myself to ask for a new ideal, the realisation of which seems none too near.
That which the Divine has destined for each of us—that will be.
My love and blessings to my dear child.
29 June 1940
*
Your answer to my letter of July 22, which you kindly meant to reassure me, did not reassure me.fnThe sadhak asked if he could accept money sent to him by relatives. The Mother answered: “My dear child, you can be sure of my love and blessings.” Why is that so, Mother? Perhaps you do not approve of my tone; perhaps you are dissatisfied with my disability; possibly you are getting tired of me altogether. If so, I would not be surprised, I would not blame you. For I am myself tired of the problem called me.
If it is not going to make any difference to your love and kindness, as you assure me it won’t, I would rather like to keep this sum of money and to keep up this arrangement. But if you do mind, kindly tell me 216so in words which I can understand and I will drop it. So please rest assured that I can drop this scheme if it displeases you.
My dear child,
It does not displease me in the least. If I did not answer to what you wrote about it the other day, it is because I did not attach much importance to it. My sentence meant simply that my love is capable of understanding and that my blessings do not depend on such surface movements.
I can add today that I am not at all tired of the “problem called me” and that I remain convinced that it will be solved successfully.…
With my love and blessings.
25 July 1940
*
My dear child,
Whenever you require spiritual help I am always there to give you that help under whatever form it can take.
With my love and blessings.
9 September 1941
*
My dear child,
Let this year bring you the power to smile in all circumstances. For, a smile acts upon difficulties as the sun upon the clouds—it disperses them.
With my love and blessings.
9 September 1942
*
My dear child, here is the programme for this year: Unify your whole being around your highest consciousness and do not let your mind work at random. Doubt is not a sport to indulge in 217with impunity: it is a poison which drop by drop corrodes the soul.
With my love and blessings.
9 September 1943
*
The Divine’s Grace is there—open your door and welcome it.
With my love and blessings.
9 September 1944