CWM >  Notes on the Way >  28 August 1968

116

28 August 1968

It was interesting, my child. I have kept all these notes. We will go through them. It is not finished. It is not finished and I do not know when it will be finished.

Have you news?

Many things are astir over there.… You know the happenings in Czechoslovakia?

It is on the move.

A black boat?

I am sure the movement has started.… How long will it take to come to a concrete, visible and organised realisation? I don’t know.

Something has started.… It seems it must be the onrush of the new species, the new creation, or a new creation in any case.

A terrestrial reorganisation and a new creation.

For me things became very acute.… It was impossible for me to utter a word, a single word: as soon as I began to talk, I 117started coughing, coughing, coughing. Then I saw it was decided that I should not speak. And I remained in that way and I let the curve develop itself. Afterwards I understood. We are not at the end, but… (how to say it?) we are on the other side.

There was a moment when things were so acute.… Usually I do not lose patience, but it had reached a point where everything, everything in the being was as though annulled. Not only could I not speak, but the head was in a state in which it had never been in the whole of my life: painful, indeed. I did not see at all, I did not hear at all. Then one day (I will tell you my experiences presently), one day things were really… it was pain, suffering everywhere; the body said, it said indeed very spontaneously and very strongly: “It is all the same to me if I am dissolved, and I am also quite ready to live, but the state in which I am is impossible, it cannot continue—either to live or to die, but not this.” From that moment, it began to be a little better. Then, little by little things got settled, put in their places.

I took down notes, they are not worth much, but I believe they may be useful. [Mother looks for the notes on a table near her.] I still do not see. I do not see, only I know.

Yes, the world is being built, the future world is being built. I was no longer hearing, I was no longer seeing, I was no longer speaking: I was living within there, all the while, all the while, all the while, night and day. Then as soon as I was able to note down, I noted down that.

Yes, it is that. I will explain to you what happened. There is another note here which is the beginning:

All by itself. All by itself.fnA few days later, Mother added: “The vital and the mental have left, but the psychic being has not left at all. It is the intermediaries that have left. For example, the contact with people (the contact with people who are present and even with those who are not here), the relation with them has remained the same, absolutely the same. It is even more constant.” And it was then that I found out to what extent the vital and the mental make what we see and hear and speak. It was… I could see, in the sense that I could move, but it was all very imprecise. Imprecise. I could hear even less than before, that is to say, very little, just a little; sometimes the same as before; sometimes just a little sound, very far away, which others could not hear, I heard. And when they spoke to me, I did not hear them: “What do you say?” I do not know. And that continuously, day and night.

One night (it is to tell you that everything was topsy-turvy), but one night I had trouble. Something had happened and I had 119a pretty severe pain and it was impossible to sleep. I remained concentrated in that condition and the night passed, it seemed to me, in a few minutes. Then at other times, on other days, at other moments, I remained concentrated, and from time to time I asked what time it was. Once it seemed to me that I had remained so for hours and hours, and I asked for the time: five minutes only.… So everything seemed to be, I cannot say topsy-turvy, but it was a very different order, very different.

On the 23rd, it was the birthday of X. I had called him and he was seated. All at once, yes, all at once the head began to be active—not the “head”, not “thought” [Mother shows some kind of currents and waves passing through her]; I do not know how to explain it: it was not a thought, they were a sort of visions, perceptions. And then I put to him some questions and he took them down. [Mother hands to the disciple a typed note.] He has noted down only my questions, not his answers.

It was the physical that put the questions. I do not know, but probably in contact with the atmosphere of X,fnX was a scientist. the body became interested in knowing how all that was formed. And X was there, I knew he could answer; so I put to him the questions.

You see, these subjects that are considered so important, so vast, so noble, so… I speak of them in an altogether childlike tone and with quite ordinary words [Mother laughs].

120

They had no watches, you understand! It was the body, with the simplicity of a child, which said: “You speak of millions and millions of years; with what have you measured?”

[Here X explains to Mother the theory according to which the universe passes through successive periods of expansion and contraction, and this theory seems to please Mother.]

Yes, they are the pralayas.

Ah! I have had moments, twice or thrice, absolutely wonderful and unique moments—they are untranslatable, untranslatable.

121

You have the experience and then you become aware of having it; and as soon as you become aware of having it, it gets obscured, something gets obscured.

Yes, it seems to be like that.

That day, the 23rd, I was still… I was still like pulp, my child! So I told myself: to come out of this pulpy state and to become someone effective, someone who exists and acts, well, it will take long. That is what I told him.

Yes, I said it to console him!

Well, last night, this is what happened [Mother hands another note to the disciple, written by herself].

122

Penetration into the body. Yes, penetration of the current, I had had on many occasions, but that night (that is to say, the night before last), it came all of a sudden, as though there was nothing but a supramental atmosphere; there was nothing but that. And my body was within it. That was pressing to enter, from everywhere, everywhere, everywhere at the same time—everywhere. So it was not a current that was entering, it was an atmosphere that penetrated from everywhere. That continued for at least four or five hours. And there was only one part that was hardly penetrated, it was from here to there [Mother indicates between the throat and the crown of the head]: there, it had a grey and dull look, as though the current penetrated less there.… But apart from that, all the rest, all… it entered and entered and entered.… I never, never saw anything like it, never! It lasted for hours and hours. Altogether consciously.

So, at the time when it came and during the time it was there, I was conscious: “Ah, it is for that, it is for that: it is that, it is that which You want of me, O Lord! It is for that, it is for that, it is that which You want.” At that moment I had the feeling that something was about to happen.

I hoped for its return this night, but nothing came about.

It was the first time. For hours. There was nothing else but That. And this [Mother’s body], it was like an absorbing sponge.

Only the head, it is still grey, dull—grey and dull. But then, all the same, a very clear vision of whatever has happened to the body during these few months, and… almost a hope. Almost a hope, it is as though someone told me that something could happen here. That’s all.

And this, it was as though an answer to what the body had said (perhaps two or three days back), what I told you in the 123beginning: that it was quite ready to get dissolved (it is a perfect surrender) and it was quite ready to continue to live, under any circumstances whatever, but not in that condition. Not in that condition of decomposition. To that, however, there was no answer for two days, and then there came this Penetration. That is to say, the very next day I began to feel a little better, I could begin to… I could not even remain standing! I did not have the sense of balance; someone had to hold me. I had lost the sense of balance, I could not take a step. It was there that I protested. And from the next morning it began to recover.

Then came the 23rd. I saw X and I noticed that when he was there the body was quite interested; no, it was not the mental or the vital: they had left! I do not know if you are able to realise what that means.

A body without the mind, without the vital. It was in that condition when X came in. There were only these perceptions (towns, buildings, temples), it lived in soul states: there were the soul states of others, the soul states of the earth, the soul states… Soul states that were translated by images. It was interesting. I cannot say it was not interesting; it was interesting, but there was no contact with material life, very little: I could hardly eat, hardly walk… in short, it was something with which one had to busy oneself.

And then, at the contact of X, the body began to be interested in all that, to put questions quite spontaneously, it did not know why. It asked and asked: “Well, it is in that way that one is made… ” So it began to amuse itself.

It will take a little time.

When this Penetration came, the day before yesterday, I said to myself: “Ah!” I hoped that the curve would get accelerated and one would come out soon, but this night there was nothing. That makes me say that it will take some time more.

124

No, it is the most mentalised region, isn’t it? It is the mind that offers the obstacle.

Yes, each time.

I know, it is so: the mental and the vital have been the instruments for… grinding Matter—to grind and grind and grind in every way, the vital by its sensations, the mind by its thoughts—to grind and grind. But they seem to me to be passing instruments that will be replaced by other states of consciousness.

You understand, it is a phase of universal development, and they will be… they will fall away as instruments no longer useful.

And then I have had the concrete experience of what is this Matter ground by the vital and the mental, but without the vital and without the mental… it is another thing.

But this “perception of soul states”, there were things… marvels! No mental conception, none, can be so wonderful, none. 125I have passed through moments… whatever one can feel, see, humanly, is nothing in comparison with that. There were moments… moments absolutely wonderful. But without thought, without thought.

I told you, I have seen… it is not “seen” as a picture is seen; it is to be within, within a certain place. I never saw or felt anything so beautiful as that, and it was not felt, it was… I do not know how to explain it. There were moments absolutely wonderful, wonderful, unique. And this was not thought, I could not even describe—how to describe? You can begin to describe only when you begin to think.

Ah! That was very interesting. It was very interesting because I saw it like this [gesture as of a film being unrolled], it was changing. Someone was approaching me: there was a change in it. Something happened to someone: there was a change in it. I had near me Y and Z; my child, one day… I do not know what happened to them: they were superhuman; one day when 126probably in appearance I was in danger, I do not know, one day, during the whole day, images (not “images”: these places where I was), it was so wonderfully beautiful, harmonious… it was inexpressible, inexpressible. And then, the least thing that changed in their consciousness, ah, there, all began to change! It was a kind of perpetual kaleidoscope, day and night. If one could note that down… it was unique; it was unique. And the body was inside there, yes, almost porous—porous, without resistance as though the thing was passing through.

I have had some most wonderful hours, I believe the most wonderful that one can have upon earth.

And then, it was so expressive and so revealing. So expressive. One night, for two hours, these temples of which I speak (it is not physical), so immense, so majestic… the living deities, my child! not images. And I know what it is. And then the state of consciousness of Eternity, oh!… as though above all circumstances.

There were things unique, but how to relate them?… Impossible, impossible, not even sufficient consciousness to be able to write.

Ah! I became aware that the cells, everywhere like this, all the time, all the time were repeating their Mantra, all the time, all the time.

127

It is for this, well, one cannot say that it was suffering, one cannot say that it was ill; this is not possible, not possible.